We Will Miss You, Herb Gross

 

Herb served on the Library Board of Trustees from 2007 to 2009 and again from 2010 to 2022.  Before his board service, he was one of the original group of volunteers who became library greeters.  He often times made origami animals for customers to enjoy.

 

Herb, on a Facebook page, described himself as, "a retired psychologist who has served as a Library Trustee since 2008. He has a B.A. from the University of Chicago and a MS in Educational Psychology from Northern Illinois University. He and his wife, Medina, have lived in Elgin since 1963. He has two Children, Benjamin and Rachel. Both are products of U-46.

 

Herb has always been involved in a wide variety of leadership positions with community organizations. These have ranged from President of a Union local to President of a Theatre company. His passion however, has always been reading and libraries. He received his first library card at age 5 which culminated in his election as Trustee of the Gail Borden Public Library District in 2008. Since then Herbert has attended all offered sessions of Trustee training. At Library Board meetings he has made numerous suggestions for improvement of services to the public. He has also been a Volunteer at the Library, most often serving as Greeter, although he has also been a docent for various programs as well as a photographer of the many programs given by the library. He has used his service as Greeter to act as a sounding board for the community, bringing the comments and suggestions he received to Library Board meetings. His vision for the library is to continue to provide excellent service and programs, as well as to keep up with modern technology in order to provide the community with content in all future forms."

 

"Herb was such a valuable member of our library board," said Jean Bednar, President of the Gail Borden Library Board of Trustees.  "The ideas that he brought forward month after month showed his keen interest in serving our community. He was such a valuable contributor."

 

Carole Medal, Gail Borden Library CEO, said, "Herb was such a positive, compassionate person. He brought smiles to the faces of so many library visitors.  We will miss him greatly."

 

 

The Jewish people are known as the People of the Book. Herb Gross exemplified that. He was a Person of the Book. Smart, Erudite, Intellectual, Curious, craving an endless stream of newness. Whether that was a new book, a sci fi or a fantasy, a new idea, a new philosophical discussion or just watching Shark Tank at the end.  

He was endlessly encouraging of others to explore new things as well. Whether it was Ben and ice skaing, golf or swim lessons or his aides who he thought should go to college to become nurses, he was all about promoting education. 

 

It came as little surprise then when this community minded, book person, was asked by Mike Aft to run for the Gail Borden Public Library. He lost that first election but was later appointed and served several terms. He was happy working as a volunteer greeter at Gail Borden and delighted in giving out oragami creatures to all who entered.  

 

Buttons...who here has a button made by Herb. Lots of you. He was known for making those buttons. For theater. For ushering. For CKI. For political candidates. I don’t have to say anything more about that.  

 

He was a fixture in Elgin. He used to say that “service is the price we pay for existence.” And serve he did. As a psychologist at Elgin Mental Health, at CKI, on the board and as treasurer of Men’s Club, at Kiwanis. at Elgin Theatre Company, at Independent Players, Elgin Children’s Theatre, Elgin Arts Commision, and an early group before the kids were born, the Colloquy Coffee House Association, aimed at providing entertainment and treats to keep kids of the streets. 

 

He was a lover of the arts, as you can see. Even when they went on vacation to Door County every year, the family enjoyed wonderful theatre and a wonderful library! In addition to Door County they would go to family camp with the Sussmans at Camp Edwards, Rachel’s first was when she was just 6 weeks old! There was a trip to Florida and one to California to visit Disney Land and to visit family. Rachel remembers being amazed that fruit other than apples grew on trees.  

 

Herb was a great storyteller. When Nick was young, he loved listening to him talk. As he said, “It was really kind of neat, kind of fun, to sit under the table and just listen. Herb got people.” Herb got Nick who delighted in a gift one year of sci fi books from Herb’s own library. Herb got Eileen, his younger sister. He’s the one who taught her the ABCs. Ask her later about the story of the three birds. Even at a young age, you could see his kindness. He had a childhood friend who was very sick and in the hospital that he would go to the hospital and play cards with him. One day he went and the friend wasn’t there any more. He had died. That night, Herb was asked to spend the night at his friend’s home, so that the newly bereaved parents wouldn’t spend the night in an empty house. That’s kindness at the highest level. 

 

Perhaps these stories are what made him a good counselor. He was a good listener too. We may never understand fully why he chose to become a therapist. But the world is a better place because of it.  

 

He had a deep moral compass. He knew exactly right from wrong and how the world should be and worked toward that with all of his professional and volunteer activities. He also relished a good philosophical debate. He really wanted to understand the nature of good and evil and sometimes it would seem he would even bate me. And I think he loved winning the argument, Toward the end, his goal was to sit and read, L.E. Modesitt, who writes a fantasy series, pretty philosophical about the nature of good and evil. He was about to begin book 20 of a 21 book series.  

 

Perhaps he was still wrestling with the untimely death of his father, who drowned when he was quite young. He was surprised at the formal adoption hearing to learn that the only father he had ever known was not his “real” father. What kind of G-d would allow a strong swimmer to drown? What happens after you die? What is the place of religion at all? And while he enjoyed attending services with Medina, it was more for the music, the socializing and the food. How he loved eating those little cuties!  

 

And while, we all knew the public, extroverted Herb, he was the quiet one. He did most of this with Medina. Medina, the love of his life. Every week when they would walk out of Friday night services, they would be holding hands. Many commented on that.  

 

He met Medina at University of Chicago in the social dancing class. Intermediate Social Dancing. The guys could take the class for free because they needed the dance partners. Medina needed two gym classes. She took billiards and social dancing. The rest, as they say, is history. 

 

He was the family guy, keeping the larger family together with things like the Gross Gazette, a periodic newsletter. He loved computers—but not Zoom—and had an early Commodore 64. Who could forget the summer parties in the backyard with Chinese food. He mothered the mother as Rachel said, making sure to take Rachel to theater rehearsals and Ben to his activities. He loved welcoming Robert to the family and holding him.  He was so proud of him when he met milestones. His face would just light up. When the family was younger they would go to Hyde Park every two weeks to visit his parents, Rachel and Ben’s grandparents. Where they would celebrate Thanksgiving and Passover. Thanksgiving was definitely the favorite holiday. Since Herb’s parents had come from Russia and hated Russia, they were so very grateful to be American. Celebrating Thanksgiving was a natural. 

 

Of course, I remember Medina’s commitment to the Hadassah challah sale for Rosh Hashanah. Hadassah was important to them. Israel was important to them. Herb had been a member of the Zionist Youth Movement Habonim and almost made aliyah after spending a year in Israel and living on a kibbutz at age 18. Good thing he came back to Hyde Park otherwise Medina might not have met him and the world would be a very different place. 

 

He loved folk music. Especially Israeli folk music. Almost every week he would ask if I knew some tune or other that he had learned in his youth group or his year in Israel.  

 

After Medina died the world was just not quite the same. There were many health scares. Many times where we thought we almost lost him. Ben and Rachel did a great job taking care of him. He became even more introverted and more of a recluse as he chose to stay in his home except for medical appointments. The pandemic didn’t help with that isolation. Often I would drop by with something from the synagogue, honey cake for Rosh Hashanah, a jelly donut and gelt for Chanukah.  Olive would take Friday night dinner an sit on the picnic bench in the back yard. Oh how he really wanted to stay in the house on Prospect but it was becoming increasingly difficult, even with aides. More than once I met them at Sherman to discuss end of life plans. As 2022 drew to a close, he made the decision that he would go on hospice. It was important to him that it was his choice. And he told me he was not afraid of dying.   

 

I am really not sure how to end this since there are so many stories and so many memories. Herb and Medina were amongst the first people I met in Elgin but my first hand knowledge only goes back 10 years. You all need to keep telling the stories, to Ben, to Rachel, to Eileen, to Marty, to Olive and to Robert, especially Robert. That’s how we keep the memory of Herb alive.